The Invasion of the MLMM (Multi-Level Marketing Mom)

Full disclosure:  I am probably on this rant because I am jealous.  In fact since I have 2 advanced degrees in Counseling Psychology, I can almost professionally promise you that I am no doubt envious of the MLMM.

I Mom. I Housewife (sometimes). I work.  Yes I spend my summers at home with my child…(I work remotely during the summer), however September to June…I am in the office.   In the recent year alone I have noticed that many of the “Moms” that are my “friends” (Facebook), that seem to have glamorous lives (on Facebook) are in fact working SAHMs.   They reference “team meetings” at Starbucks (after their Barre class), or “working dinners” at PF Changs.

They are kind enough to check in with their “team” on Facebook so I get to see that they are often “meeting” with other “friends” that I know as well.   So there I am am, just cleaning up the dinner that I semi-made, and I think to myself I would love to have a meeting at PF Changs with some “friends” (I love their Lettuce Wraps).

These are Chanel wearing ladies who are typically driving a nice German automobile.   So clearly they are doing something right!   (They always look stunning….I must get into this).  My loving husband is quick to point out that most of these ladies that I have this girl crush on, had their Chanel bags and cars long before they went into “the business”.  He can be a dream buster.

Then I slowly come back to reality and realize that there is no way I can be a MLMM…because I don’t have the ability to convince my friends to buy what I would be selling…and further more ask them to jump on board and sell too.

I can’t even pull it together to host a party for one of my “friends” and the many different products they “market”.   Trust me I want to.  I see the Facebook posts and think “I want to do this, I want to have a party for beaded flip flops”  (or dips, or monogram plates, or initial jewelry, etc).   Hello!  You get free things when you host!!!!

I just don’t understand how they all manage to do so well.   Often the “buy in” to these ventures is almost  $1000.  That is ton of extra skin care if you are not able to make a go of it.

I would say the perfect client.  When one of my pals decides to be a MLMM, I am the first RSVP to the party.    I fall hook, line, and sinker for the “preferred customer” option so I get an extra 15% off.  So what if I am locked into “auto ship”, clearly I will need another $350 of skincare products in 5 weeks?

Sometimes I even get suckered into “consultant” status after too much Pino at one of these parties (or perhaps I am at a launch event).   I guess I am a MLMM after all.  The only difference is that I am only “consulting” myself on my next round of crap that I do not need.

They just make it look so darn easy.   Their Facebook posts make it seem like there is no effort involved. Checks are just mailed to them. So what if 10 women in my neighborhood are all selling the same over-priced skincare….why can’t it be 11?

I actually had to explain to the “friend” who was encouraging me (i.e. bullying me) into being #11.  That since 80% of the women that I know already were either selling or using the products…or get this were using or selling the “other skincare product”, I just was not feeling it.  I mean…does “The Gap” open up 5 stores in the same town on the same street?  Even Starbucks spaces out their stores a few blocks apart in Manhattan.

When she just was not biting I had to go to the bullpen.  I became the women that I hate.  I put it on my husband.   Mind you the poor fella could care less if I sold post-it notes as a side gig, just as long as I did not take up too much room in the garage for storage.

I told her that my husband would not allow me to put out $1000 to buy the products for people to try and then just to seal the deal (I was starting to think she was going offer to split the cost with me), I explained that he often does not get home from work in NYC until late, so evening “pitch” parties would be a challenge.   He rides the same bus home….EVERY DAY, and walks in the door at 5:55. Details.

Good news!  She stopped asking me to “sign on”.   Bad news is she no longer “likes” my pictures on Facebook and does not do more than nod at me when we cross paths at the Farmer Market.

Recently I saw her post on her Facebook page that she was looking to find people in Canada to “sign on”, and be the first consultants there.

Okay that is bad ass.  I could do that.  I could be the first person to sign on… Before I knew it I was back in the bad place of ….I am the only Mom who is not MLM.  Oh the woe.

My husband does love hockey….





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